When Control Creates Chaos: The Hidden Cost of Trying to “Be Good”

Thought For The Week

When we feel tightly controlled, a part of us instinctively wants to push back.

It’s a natural response to pressure, and the more rigid the rules, the more tension builds underneath them.

What might start as an attempt to “be good” or stay “on track” can gradually create a low-level strain, as if you’re constantly managing yourself instead of working with yourself.

That ongoing self-monitoring can become exhausting, especially when there seems to be only one acceptable way to behave.

This pressure can also make even the smallest slip-up feel like the beginning of losing control — not because the action itself is drastic, but because the system you’re trying to follow leaves no room for manoeuvre.

As the holidays approach, it’s worth remembering to be cautious with strict rules.

Systems that allow no room for adjustment can quickly become a source of stress rather than support.

Instead, consider giving yourself some freedom to adapt. It isn’t a cop-out or a compromise — it’s a way to make lasting, positive change more achievable.

Exercise Tip

Forcing yourself to run a set distance even when your legs are tired.

Pushing through an exercise class you don’t enjoy.

Swimming lengths just because it’s on your schedule.

Sticking to a strict gym programme that leaves no room for adjustment.

When every session, every set, and every rep feels like a rule to follow rather than a choice, it can start to feel like a burden.

Before long, you might find yourself dreading workouts, skipping them, or pushing too hard and risking injury — all normal reactions to a rigid system, but not helpful.

Exercise works best when it feels like something you can engage with on your own terms.

Finding ways to move that fit your lifestyle, energy, and preferences can turn exercise from a checklist into a habit you actually enjoy — one that sticks because it works for you, not against you.

Try this:

It might be time to redefine your idea of a “good” or “effective” workout: Any movement that supports your body and mind counts, not just the hardest, longest, or sweatiest sessions.

Nutrition Tip

Chances are, you’ve tried a diet at some point — or felt pressure to follow rules about what, when, or how much to eat.

At first, these rules can feel helpful — they provide structure and a sense of control.

But over time, strict dieting can create tension and anxiety around eating.

What’s more, ignoring your body’s signals can make hunger feel dangerous, like the start of losing control.

This can easily lead to a cycle of restriction followed by overeating — a pattern that’s exhausting, frustrating, and rarely sustainable.

If left unchecked, it can develop into disordered eating patterns, where thoughts about food, hunger, and body image begin to take over, and the cycle of restricting and overeating becomes difficult to break.

Instead of relying on strict rules, learning to tune into your own cues and make choices that feel right for you sets you up for a more positive, sustainable, and balanced relationship with food.

Paying attention to hunger, fullness, and enjoyment helps you eat in a way that nourishes your body, supports your goals, and feels manageable over the long term.

Try this:

Instead of focusing on what to limit or cut out, try adding foods that increase satisfaction, energy, or nutrition.

Inspirational Quote

“We can trust our bodies if we are willing to hear what they have to say.”

Marion Woodman