Familiarity vs Possibility: Why We Become More Reluctant to Try New Things
- Rachel Amies
- Jul 3
- 4 min read
In This Article
Why the feeling of uncertainty can stop us before we've begun
How sticking to familiar workouts can limit what's possible
How diets and food rules give us borrowed certainty
How self-trust grows when we stop rushing to escape uncertainty
What might be possible if you spent a little longer with the feeling of not knowing?
Thought For The Week
Earlier this week I came across a quote that claimed the one thing all successful people have in common is a willingness to try new things.
It made me stop.
I started to think about what it is that allows some people to keep saying yes to new experiences, while others gradually become more reluctant.
At first I assumed it was confidence. Or courage. But the more I sat with it, the more I wondered whether it actually has more to do with our relationship with uncertainty.
Because every meaningful change begins with a period where we don't know.
We don't know whether we'll enjoy it. Whether we'll be any good at it. Whether it'll be worth it. Whether we'll fit in.
In other words, we become beginners.
Being a beginner is something many of us experience less and less as adults. Over time we’ve become experienced, competent, and familiar with our routines. We spend more of our lives doing things we already know how to do, and less of what we don’t.
Maybe we simply forget what the beginning even feels like.
And then, when something new comes along, we assume the feeling means something bad.
Maybe this isn't for me. Maybe I'm too old. Maybe I'll make a fool of myself.
Instead of thinking:
Of course this feels uncomfortable. I've never done it before.
We assume the discomfort is a signal to stop, rather than recognising that this is simply what the beginning feels like.
It doesn't mean we should say yes to every opportunity that comes our way.
But it does make me wonder how many opportunities we never say yes to because we've allowed the feeling of uncertainty to decide for us.
Exercise Focus
We stick to the same machines because we already know how they work.
We follow the same running route week after week.
For months, we think about trying a different class but never book on.
There's something reassuring about knowing exactly what to expect.
But it's easy to mistake that familiarity for preference. To assume we're choosing what's best for us, when often we're simply choosing what feels most comfortable, most predictable.
Then, the moment we consider doing something different, the feeling changes and we're not so sure.
What if I do it wrong? What if I take a wrong turn? What if everyone else knows what they're doing?
We hear those thoughts and assume they're telling us something important.
Perhaps we're not ready. Perhaps we're not capable. Perhaps this just isn't for us.
But maybe they're just describing what it feels like to be doing something unfamiliar.
Discomfort isn't evidence. It's what the beginning feels like. And the only way we stop misreading it is by spending some time with it.
The gym, the run, the class. They don’t become less intimidating because they change.
They become less intimidating because we stop assuming that feeling of uncertainty means we shouldn't begin.
Nutrition Focus
With diets, meal plans, calorie counting, and food rules, someone else has already made the decisions for you.
What to eat How much. When.
There are very few unknowns, and there's comfort in knowing exactly what's expected.
But then the plan ends. Or life interrupts it.
A holiday.
A meal out.
A busy week.
Suddenly the certainty disappears, and you're left making the decisions all by yourself.
What should I eat? How much do I need? What if I get it wrong?
It's easy to assume that what you're missing is another plan — another source of certainty.
But perhaps the plan was never really your certainty. Perhaps it was borrowed certainty. And when it disappeared, it left behind the very thing it had been protecting you from:
Uncertainty.
Maybe that's why learning to trust yourself with food can feel so difficult.
Not because you're incapable of making good decisions, but because you're learning to make them without certainty.
I think this is the part we so often try to avoid.
We look for another plan before we've had chance to spend any time in this space.
But if we don't rush to escape it, this is where self-trust can grow.
Not because every decision you make will be the right one. But because every decision will become evidence that you're capable of making the next one without needing someone else to make it for you.
Explore More
From the archive: A Compass, Not a Rulebook: Why Values Matter More Than Willpower explores what happens when we rely less on external rules and begin making decisions guided by our own values instead. If today's newsletter resonated, it's a natural next step, asking what can guide us when certainty isn't available.
Book: One of the central ideas in The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris is that uncomfortable thoughts and feelings don't have to dictate our actions. If today's newsletter made you think differently about uncertainty, this is an excellent introduction to learning how to make room for uncomfortable experiences rather than immediately trying to escape them.
Recipe: My Lemon & Asparagus Risotto with Pan-Seared Salmon is a nice example of today's theme in practice. Rather than following strict rules or counting every calorie, it's about learning to trust simple, nourishing ingredients. Cook it once or twice and you'll quickly find yourself relying less on measurements and more on your own judgement.
Takeaway
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