Why Setbacks Don’t Mean You’re Failing: Learning From the Weeks That Don't Go to Plan
- Rachel Amies
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
In This Article
Why setbacks are a normal part of meaningful change
How a missed workout can help you build a more sustainable routine
How episodes of overeating can help you understand what you really need
Why curiosity is more useful than self-criticism
How understanding your own patterns makes future setbacks easier to navigate
Thought For The Week
When we begin exercising regularly, eating differently, or trying to change any long-standing behaviour, we often imagine that success will eventually mean the difficult moments disappear.
That we won't miss workouts.
That we won't comfort eat.
That life won't get in the way.
But that's probably never going to happen.
Life will always be unpredictable. Motivation will always come and go. Stressful weeks, holidays, illness, busy periods and family commitments don't stop happening simply because we're trying to make changes.
The goal isn't to build a life without setbacks.
It's to build a different relationship with them.
Progress isn't measured by how perfectly things go; it's measured by what happens next.
Every setback gives us a choice.
We can collect evidence that confirms the story we've always told ourselves:
I'm just not consistent.
I always give up.
I knew this wouldn't last.
Or we can collect information about what actually happened:
What made this week different?
How was I feeling?
What got in the way?
Sometimes we find our plan wasn't realistic.
Sometimes we discover a trigger we'd never noticed before.
Sometimes we realise we need more rest, more support, or a little more compassion.
The people who achieve lasting change aren't the ones who never make mistakes.
They're the ones who keep learning from them.
Because when we stop treating setbacks as failures and start treating them as learning events, each one leaves us better prepared for the next.
Exercise Focus
A missed workout can feel like something to make up for.
We tell ourselves we'll train twice tomorrow, squeeze in an extra session at the weekend, or promise to get back on track next week.
But before rushing to fix it, it's worth pausing to ask what happened.
Was I genuinely exhausted?
Did work overrun?
Was my session too ambitious for the time I had available?
Or was I simply trying to follow a plan that no longer fits my life?
Every missed session contains information.
Asking questions doesn't mean making excuses for every missed workout. It simply means being honest about what happened, without judging ourselves for it.
Sometimes life genuinely got in the way.
Sometimes the plan wasn't realistic.
Sometimes we were tired, stressed, or overwhelmed.
And sometimes we simply didn't feel like exercising.
That's useful information too. Because if we can understand why we didn't feel like it, we're much better placed to do something differently next time.
Maybe we need a simpler routine.
Maybe we need to train at a different time of day.
Maybe we've been relying on willpower, rather than building something more sustainable.
Those are the lessons that can help us approach the next workout differently.
Nutrition Focus
We might respond to an episode of binge eating, emotional eating, or overeating by focusing on how to make up for it.
We promise ourselves we'll skip breakfast, eat less tomorrow, or be extra good for the rest of the week.
But before rushing to try and compensate, it’s helpful to pause to ask what actually happened.
Was I hungrier than usual?
Had I skipped meals earlier in the day?
Was I actually thirsty, not hungry?
Was I craving a particular type of food?
Was I eating because I was stressed, tired, bored, or distracted?
Have I been trying to follow a way of eating that is at odds with the rest of my life?
Just like a missed workout, those moments contain information.
Sometimes we realise we've been trying to suppress our hunger.
Sometimes we notice we've not been drinking enough water.
Sometimes we discover we’ve been missing a certain type of food or nutrient in our diet.
Sometimes we discover that life simply asked more of us than usual that day.
The more willing we are to approach these moments with curiosity rather than judgement, the more we begin to understand our own patterns.
And that understanding often makes the next setback a little easier to navigate.
Explore More
From the archive: Behaviour vs Interpretation: Why What You Do Matters Less Than How You Count It explores the idea that setbacks might be less about what happened, and more about the meaning we attach to them. It's a reminder that changing our interpretation can sometimes be just as important as changing our behaviour.
From the archive: The Progress Paradox: When Feeling Worse Means You're Doing It Right explores why setbacks and uncomfortable emotions aren't always signs that something has gone wrong, but how they can actually be part of meaningful progress.
Book: In The Choice, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Edith Eger explores the difference between what happens to us and the meaning we attach to it. It's a powerful reminder that while we can't always choose our setbacks, we can choose how we respond to them.
Takeaway
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